You Need Big Balls To Be A Girl

I added his guy because we both are on a blogger site together, and within the first five minutes, I started to realize the error of my ways. I became completely unresponsive once he talked about coming to America from India next month and was obviously not wanting just camaraderie and friendship.

So, I had to block him from my online world today. I shared screenshots over the past couple days with a male friend of mine who seemed so taken aback that I was being stalked. Legitimately stalked. And so I dropped some facts on him.

Women grow accustomed to the creepers from a very young age. My first stalker arrived on the scene when I was twelve. There was a time when I wasn’t left alone in my own backyard because we live in a rape culture that accepts the entitlement men feel when they want someone or something. Starting at birth, girls are taught The Rules. Men reading this might be shaking their heads, but all the ladies knew exactly what I was talking about.

The Rules

*Never go anywhere without another person. Ex: Women don’t go to the bathroom together simply because we can’t stand to urinate without an audience. It’s safety. It’s less chance a strange man will follow you into the bathroom and hurt you. At this point, it’s just an unconscious thing women do without considering why we started that as young girls who weren’t allowed to visit the restroom publicly without a chaperone.

*Mind what you wear. Don’t dress too provocatively. Ex: Slut shaming has become necessary in our world because of one fact: Men cannot control their urges, so if you call attention to yourself, you are somehow asking for it. When raped, this is one of the top questions asked when trying to ascertain how a rape could happen in the first place.What was she wearing?

*Don’t let yourself get too drunk, don’t leave your drink unattended, and make sure you are aware of your surroundings at all times. You know, this is good advice. Sort of. What if I want to go overboard, though? What if I want to have that last shot of fireball before dancing with my girls to the latest hit song the DJ is throwing down? No. You might be raped. You won’t be able to fend off his advances. You’ll end up in a bad situation. And if you do end up in a bad situation, you need to take a large chunk of the blame because you broke The Rules and allowed yourself to be put into that position.

*Do not be out alone at night. You know, because a man might see you and want to have you, and if you’re alone, he could do whatever he wants.

*If your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, call the police or another emergency number. Be wary of anyone stopping to assist you. Because, as a woman, you cannot trust any strange man. No good Samaritans can be looked at with nothing but gratitude until after they do NOT rape you because there’s a good chance that until they finish up with assisting you and leave that they’ll possibly do bad things to you…a helpless woman all alone without any supports around.

*When meeting a first date, always meet in public, never go somewhere where there aren’t enough people around, and follow the above rules. He has a very high probability that he’s an asshole who wants to rape you.

There’s more rules that are offshoots from these, but this blog would be a twenty minute read or longer if I kept going. These are the big ones, so I’ll stick with them.

If you are reading this and thinking I’m exaggerating, please consider this one vital fact. One in three women will be raped at some point in her life. Read that again. One. In. THREE. Do you not find yourself a little disgusted by those odds? Do you not see how women might feel about these rules and why they must be followed to a T lest they find themselves that one woman? How would you feel as a man going through life knowing you are viewed as something that can be taken just because someone wants you? I know many men who think women are nuts for not being flattered by all the attention they receive daily from men…completely unwarranted, unwanted attention. But if they could reverse roles and understand that we KNOW we are viewed as an available meathole…completely separate from our actual identities…that we are craved for nothing beyond our looks and what someone might want to do to us sexually…maybe THEN men could understand why we view it so differently.

And if you’re one of those men saying, “Not all guys are like that. There’s just a few bad apples. You shouldn’t judge all men by this standard,” you need to go back up and read the facts. One in three. That’s not a fluke. And that’s not something to disregard. And that’s more than the rate of deaths of cancer. And that’s more than the rate of deaths in vehicular accidents. And that’s more than the rate of how many people binge on Netflix on a Saturday morning. It’s astronomical, and none of the arguments saying women need to not be so up in arms about The Rules stand up against these facts.

The bottom line is that I should be able to walk down an alley late at night completely alone and butt ass naked while drunk as a skunk and STILL be able to say, “No, you may not stick your penis inside my vagina” and have that followed through with. But it isn’t plausible. And I could go all feminist on you about how our rape culture is in need of eradication and how instead of teaching girls The Rules, we should be teaching boys that there is absolutely no such thing as blurred lines. Wait, that’s not a feminist thing. That should be a humanist thing.

How does this all tie into my blog about not being a meathole while serial dating? If I must explain that to you, then you’re too dense to even try.

You need big balls to be a girl. Everything is a gamble. To just be and exist, we know we are taking chances that men couldn’t possibly understand because those same choices don’t come with the same consequences. It’s not fair. It’s not right. But it IS. It exists. It can’t be denied or overlooked. At least not by women.

So my adventures in serial dating come with some hefty risks. Not just in whom I’m potentially meeting up with very publicly, but also in how I am knowingly perceived and how misconstrued that is and how frustrating that is to me. I’m not okay with slut shaming. I can have sex with whomever I CHOOSE to be intimate with (which is why I haven’t been intimate in over eight months and am personally driving up sales for Energizer…and sometimes Duracell), but to automatically think I’m out hooking up randomly with all these men and what men think about a girl who does that and how it would automatically lower my approval rating as a human because girls are to be chaste enough and only used when it’s by that man in particular, well, you just became an asshole in my eyes and I think you’re what’s wrong in this world.

I’m not just a meathole. But if I were, that would be okay, too, and wouldn’t justify worrying about the risks I would encounter by not following The Rules. The Rules which are set into place to protect us but don’t protect anyone at all..

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11 thoughts on “You Need Big Balls To Be A Girl

    1. And yet, they don’t really help keep anyone safe. The rules are designed more to give a false sense of empowerment when what these rules are REALLY doing is assigning blame to the victims because they didn’t follow the rules well enough. The rules need to change, me thinks

      Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m one in three, too, and it manifests difficulties in so many ways most wouldn’t expect.

      And then I think about how I have two daughters, and I hope I get to remain the one in three in this dynamic. I hope they never know this pain. I hope I was able to take that, too.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I broke the rules. I lost my virginity to an unknown rapist when I passed out drunk at a party at a friend’s house. I awoke to find my pants had been literally ripped apart at the crotch and there was blood everywhere. I was too ashamed to call the cops… because I had broken the rules.

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    1. The Rules are tricky little things. Sure, maybe some of us won’t wander into an alley alone and will avoid rape that way. Some of us might never break down on a dark road at night without anyone with us. Some of us might never find ourselves intoxicated. But even when you follow the rules, they aren’t like some magic shield. And they don’t lower the risk of rape. If they do lower the risk of rape, then what the hell would the average be if one in three is already a victim?? Without the rules, that would mean we all would be victims instead of only a third of us? What power do these rules hold? None.

      I’m very sorry to hear of how you lost your virginity. I know it’s not much comfort, but you are not alone. Neither in the rape, nor in the lacking of reporting because The Rules are designed to place the blame, all the blame, on the victim. It’s a way of excusing the men because we are responsible for what someone else does to us without our permission. Men just can’t be expected to control themselves.

      Welcome to my world of blogging. Not everything is this dreadfully serious, but some apparently is. I hope you find as much humor here as you do camaraderie. xoxox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with you 100%. I found your blog through your comment about trans suicide on OP’s site. I have a raunchy humor blog myself. I have never been one to dwell on the multiple times I have been raped or abused over the years, instead I have learned from those occurrences, shared my wisdom and now I am a force to be reckoned with. I like what I have seen of your blog thus far! Keep writing and I will keep reading! Love, Melanie

        Liked by 1 person

  2. 100% true. I was taught The Rules from a very young age. I have been catcalled and verbally harassed in public when wearing miniskirts and when wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. It doesn’t matter. Men are not taught DON’T RAPE. Living in the city in a neighborhood where catcalling was much more prevalent than where I grew up traumatized me – I consider it a lucky escape that no one actually came after me. It’s fucking scary. And it makes me sick that we have to live our lives with this much fear.

    Also, this post reminded me of Lily Allen’s “Hard Out Here.” šŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s two songs this post has been compared to. A friend compared it to No Doubt’s Just A Girl.

      I take both as a compliment since I love both artists. And both speak out and fight cultural norms and expectations.

      It’s tough being a girl and living with so much fear. But maybe in time we can change things.

      Liked by 1 person

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