Everyone following along with my serial dating adventures and blog are well aware of my List of Losers. I was going to save these for Wednesday Write-offs, however, I’m trying to avoid doing my algebra, so here I am.
Most of you know I added a Craig’s List ad to my dating repertoire. The messages back are mind-numbingly ridonkulous. I think I have enough material in a mere three weeks to write an entire novel based on the responses flooding in. I’ve seen more penises than Debbie in her sojourn in Dallas. I don’t know how many times I’m supposed to specify that’s not the most attractive part of a man’s anatomy, but one thing is certain…I’ve obviously not stressed it enough.
Guys, if you ever wonder what you are doing wrong in your pursuit of women, please, follow me, and you shall witness plenty of examples of things you should never, ever, ever, ever do under any circumstances ever. Such as this one:
One, please use spell check. In this day and age of computers and smart phones which all come equipped with handy dandy spell check services, there is absolutely no excuse to send such atrocious emails.
Secondly, this is his introduction. His very first email. It is generally not a good idea to start out with misogynist beliefs that show you resent women as a whole and view yourself as a victim and will view partnership and the compromises that come with it as a woman making you grovel because she has the upper hand. By upper hand and groveling, I immediately think he doesn’t like having to do things to make his partner happy, and he’s a miserable human who is bitter and sad, sad, sad. Sounds like a real hoot! Sign me up!
Another introductory email. I am accused of not being serious and answering the responses when this guy NEVER WROTE ME BEFORE. I did write back which led to a confused conversation where he wasn’t getting what I was saying about not responding to all ads because I have discernment. He took that to mean I was implying he was sending me dick pics and was angry at him. I had to spell it out as if he’s a child, and then I just stopped. Men, again, attacking a woman as soon as you open your mouth instead of saying hello won’t generally find you any favor.
I’m going to end with this one today. This is Mr. Got A Second Date. Slowly but surely, his jesting about my dating prowess became much more than just jesting. I have witnessed acute jealousy and some rather hurtful things being said in supposed “joking” ways. This last text felt like a physical slap. I jumped, my eyes widened, and I took a sharp intake of breath. He won’t be a part of my world any longer, rest your pretty little head on that one.
I am not sure if there is an extreme overpopulation of disgusting and horrible men in this world or if I have a unique ability to locate all of the ones in a fifty mile radius, but either way, I’m discovering a lot of things in this dating experiment of mine. One of which is, if it’s attracted to me, it is probably a truly diseased specimen which I dare to hope isn’t representative of the majority.
I know one thing for sure. There are definitely people out there who love me. My sweetness Ashley would probably have happily murdered him without remorse that night. All 5’2″ of her was vibrating at the speed of vengeance, and you really shouldn’t underestimate her simply because she’s tiny and dresses adorably and has those big, gorgeous eyes. She’ll cut a bitch.
And Mr. Yesterday suggested someone hold down the guy and remove his testicles, be forced to watch them be barbequed, then have them force-fed to him. If you ever wondered why I became so amazingly attached to him, there’s your answer.
This adventure was set upon with the intention of keeping it light and breezy. I just wanted to keep my walls from coming up and locking in place while enjoying conversation and fun times with men who would not expect me to open my heart to them or to focus on building a foundation for a house I’m not ready to live in yet. I just wanted to have experiences and laughter and share my own honest approach with others. I didn’t start this to be demeaned and stalked, bored to death and attacked, torn down and sneered at. But that’s what I’ve encountered most. I have discarded dozens of men and located ONE MAN who is fun and sweet and intelligent enough to let into my world. One.
But I’m still trying. There are three new guys waiting in my inbox to have their chance. Maybe one of them will turn into a grand dance partner. I am starting to learn how to safeguard myself, though, so I’ve put on my steel-toed boots to protect myself from clumsy hoofers just in case…