The LeeAnnimal Goes Rawwwr!

I break it down in here…every last nuance about dating that makes me upset or slightly cynical or deliciously happy. I don’t think I ever break it down about me. Specifically me. What makes me tick. What makes me the girl who was driven from the chaste and pure pursuit of romantical bliss into the heathenism of serial dating. So, sit back, pour a glass of wine, and get ready for some of the lowdown on the LeeAnnimal. Yes, I absolutely DID just refer to myself in the third person. Deal with it.

*I’m ridiculously clumsy. It’s a well known fact and is often viewed as adorable. I am relatively certain falling on my ass isn’t really an adorable thing.

*I’m the mom in my group(s). I offer advice. I have attended a first gynecological appointment with a nervous grown-ass friend who should have gone years earlier. I bake cookies and threaten to beat boys’ asses. I sit up all night and come over at any hour simply because I’m needed.

*I’m stubborn

*No, really, I’m possibly the most stubborn girl you’ll ever meet. Ask anyone who knows me.

*I self sabotage. A LOT.

*I love fairytales re-imagined. I adore anything Wonderland. I read stories about magic and epic adventures and aliens and dystopian societies and unicorns because FUCK I still want a unicorn.

*I curse a lot. In a kind of girly voice with a slight Southern accent. The accent grows if I’ve been speaking to family members or if I’m drinking or angry. If I get angry, I call it “Going Southern.”

*I cry at movies. Or shows. Or commercials. Or because it’s slightly overcast out. Or because my beer went flat while I was running at the mouth.

*I’m exuberant, bouncy, talkative, and silly. I’m like a giant preschooler in a pair of kickass heels.

*I’m only 5’2″, so I tend to wear heels a lot.

*I’m not short. I’m vertically challenged.

*I seem jaded, but I really think it’s possible that true, unadulterated, pure, lasting love exists out there somewhere. I think it’s as unique as the magic in my favorite stories.

*I have no problem walking away. As deeply as I love (be it platonic, romantic, or something else entirely), I can reach the point where I grow cold and hard and walk away without a single glance back. I think it throws people off when it happens to them. I’m the kind of girl that would stand there with you forever if you didn’t go and fuck it up.

*I’ve only met one person I’ve been incapable of shaking off. In almost forty years of life, only one became embedded into me in a way I both love and hate.

*I sing in my car while driving. Loudly. With the windows down. And when someone sees me at a red light, I don’t stop. I turn to them and serenade them until the light turns green again.

*I love chocolate, coffee, wine, spiced rum, books, blankets, pajamas, bubbles in my bath, and the colors red and pink.

*The decal over my break light in my rear window says, “You’ve Just Been Passed By A Girl”

*The interior of my car is all Hello Kitty

*The more upset I am, the bigger my smile gets. I don’t fake it in bed (I mean, that’s like rewarding a puppy for peeing on the carpet. He’ll just keep doing it), but I totally fake it till I make it when it comes to emotions. It’s something I’m working on now that a friend pointed out I need to try being Human for a little while. Being a Human is tricky shit.

*If I was sorted at Hogwarts, I would totally be in Gryffindor. No doubts.

*I’m really pissed that my owl got lost.

*When I let my imagination wander, I dream extraordinary dreams.

*I keep a dream journal.

*I have my tarot read at least once a year.

*I still fear the monsters under the bed, so I removed my bed frame.

*My spirit animal is Betty White.

*The best compliment I ever received was given to me five minutes ago: “You have very flavorful mental diarrhea.”

*I want someone to top that compliment. So get to it!

*And maybe most importantly:

No matter what, at the end of the day, I’m happy with myself. And I’m reeeeaaaally happy with the ones who dig the vibe I’m throwing down.

23 thoughts on “The LeeAnnimal Goes Rawwwr!

  1. Well little missy, I may be a good 5 inches taller than you… and in my 5″ stilettos I would TOWER over you, but I think we would tear up the town together!! I already adore you! xoxo M


    1. You’re quickly becoming one of my favorites!!!

      I met a friend offline for the first time, and she blurted out, “I thought you would be so much taller! You talk like a tall girl!”

      I’ll never forget that.


      Liked by 1 person

      1. Bahahaha! What the fuck does a tall girl talk like? I should ponder that… my girl Eve is nearly 6′ tall! She is TALL!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think it’s my brazen attitude, my potty mouth, and my tendency to be a little aggressive. Only tall girls are allowed to do that ๐Ÿ˜‰ We wee ones must be a lot more timid, you see…

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aha. Well just another bullshit standard imposed by society. As you well know, I have a mouth like a fucking trucker and also some of the most feisty girls are the tiny ones!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Even Harry has respect for the Slytherins and acknowledges the sorting doesn’t result in who you are as a person.

      I’d not mind Slytherin because they are definitely the wild children! They know what they want and aren’t afraid to go get it. They don’t care what anyone thinks, either! Sure, sure, they can be a bit on the nefarious and self serving side, but as a girl who is currently trying to embrace my inner bitch and control my own happiness for a change, I can see the value in a good Slytherin friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can be the biggest queen out there ๐Ÿ˜› I just don’t really care for snakes only reason I’m not happy with Slytherin lol


      2. They don’t all like snakes lol Most of them are pansies at heart.

        Slytherin could have used a good queen. OMGAWDS, that would have been awesome. The LGBT community really needs representation in the world beyond Dumbledore’s poor choice in a first love. A fifth house could have been spectacular. Their colors could be glittery rainbows, and they’d all bring tiny dogs in their pocket cauldrons and they’d totally have helped Snape with a better shampoo.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Right an there house symbol would have been a unicorn ! Harry would have dressed way better and Neville would have been smoking way before movie 7 XD (I don’t know if there was any helping book Neville)


      4. And Hermione would have probably left Hogwarts after being zapped with frizz-less spells every day. But Harry would have talked her into staying while Ron pouted, and she would have adored the pouting, so thereโ€™s that.

        Then again, someone would have tried to give Voldy a nose because sans nose is sooooooo passe, and we might not have had the full series then. I still think he was mostly pissed because even Michael Jackson received a better nose job than him, and he was a mere MUGGLE.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Right! Its so funny to me that they didn’t give him a nose in the movie I mean they took snake like to the extreme XD And he needed a nice up do then maybe he wouldn’t have been such an ass XD


      6. And why didn’t he ever have shoes? You’d think the Dark Lord would have designers lining up left and right to get him to wear their stuff. Sales would have been through the roof every time he finished murdering an entire family.

        I can see it now:

        Rita Skeeter: Lord Voldemort!!! Can you tell us who you’re wearing tonight? That scarf is fabulous, and it really pairs well with those shoes!!!

        He had a TERRIBLE PR department. Think of all the merchandise he could have profited from. I’d totally buy a Voldy Visions perfume.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. And let’s not forget the potential for a dating site where potential suitors will be forced to endure a zap when swept left. Imagine the marketing to appeal to the satisfaction levels of rejecting unworthy candidates.

        “All the satisfaction of creating a horcrux without the commitment.”

        Liked by 1 person

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