I break it down in here…every last nuance about dating that makes me upset or slightly cynical or deliciously happy. I don’t think I ever break it down about me. Specifically me. What makes me tick. What makes me the girl who was driven from the chaste and pure pursuit of romantical bliss into the heathenism of serial dating. So, sit back, pour a glass of wine, and get ready for some of the lowdown on the LeeAnnimal. Yes, I absolutely DID just refer to myself in the third person. Deal with it.
*I’m ridiculously clumsy. It’s a well known fact and is often viewed as adorable. I am relatively certain falling on my ass isn’t really an adorable thing.
*I’m the mom in my group(s). I offer advice. I have attended a first gynecological appointment with a nervous grown-ass friend who should have gone years earlier. I bake cookies and threaten to beat boys’ asses. I sit up all night and come over at any hour simply because I’m needed.
*No, really, I’m possibly the most stubborn girl you’ll ever meet. Ask anyone who knows me.
*I self sabotage. A LOT.
*I love fairytales re-imagined. I adore anything Wonderland. I read stories about magic and epic adventures and aliens and dystopian societies and unicorns because FUCK I still want a unicorn.
*I curse a lot. In a kind of girly voice with a slight Southern accent. The accent grows if I’ve been speaking to family members or if I’m drinking or angry. If I get angry, I call it “Going Southern.”
*I cry at movies. Or shows. Or commercials. Or because it’s slightly overcast out. Or because my beer went flat while I was running at the mouth.
*I’m exuberant, bouncy, talkative, and silly. I’m like a giant preschooler in a pair of kickass heels.
*I’m only 5’2″, so I tend to wear heels a lot.
*I’m not short. I’m vertically challenged.
*I seem jaded, but I really think it’s possible that true, unadulterated, pure, lasting love exists out there somewhere. I think it’s as unique as the magic in my favorite stories.
*I have no problem walking away. As deeply as I love (be it platonic, romantic, or something else entirely), I can reach the point where I grow cold and hard and walk away without a single glance back. I think it throws people off when it happens to them. I’m the kind of girl that would stand there with you forever if you didn’t go and fuck it up.
*I’ve only met one person I’ve been incapable of shaking off. In almost forty years of life, only one became embedded into me in a way I both love and hate.
*I sing in my car while driving. Loudly. With the windows down. And when someone sees me at a red light, I don’t stop. I turn to them and serenade them until the light turns green again.
*I love chocolate, coffee, wine, spiced rum, books, blankets, pajamas, bubbles in my bath, and the colors red and pink.
*The decal over my break light in my rear window says, “You’ve Just Been Passed By A Girl”
*The interior of my car is all Hello Kitty
*The more upset I am, the bigger my smile gets. I don’t fake it in bed (I mean, that’s like rewarding a puppy for peeing on the carpet. He’ll just keep doing it), but I totally fake it till I make it when it comes to emotions. It’s something I’m working on now that a friend pointed out I need to try being Human for a little while. Being a Human is tricky shit.
*If I was sorted at Hogwarts, I would totally be in Gryffindor. No doubts.
*I’m really pissed that my owl got lost.
*When I let my imagination wander, I dream extraordinary dreams.
*I keep a dream journal.
*I have my tarot read at least once a year.
*I still fear the monsters under the bed, so I removed my bed frame.
*My spirit animal is Betty White.
*The best compliment I ever received was given to me five minutes ago: “You have very flavorful mental diarrhea.”
*I want someone to top that compliment. So get to it!
*And maybe most importantly:
No matter what, at the end of the day, I’m happy with myself. And I’m reeeeaaaally happy with the ones who dig the vibe I’m throwing down.