He’s Just Not That Into You. And It’s Okay.

We’ve all heard this phrase thanks to the book, Oprah, and the movie with that ridiculously adorable Ginnifer Goodwin as a lead. But have any of us (ladies) ever really taken this to heart? No, of course not. We analyze every single behavior and think there’s underlying signs that need to be explored….or we think poorly of ourselves once rejected. So since I recently had an aha! moment, and I realized no matter what he said, he just wasn’t that into me, I figured it was time for a refresher course.

1) If he’s not initiating the texting or phone calls, he’s not that into you. If a man is into you, he wants to connect with you. Even if he’s terribly busy, he’ll take the time to make sure you know that he’s not texting for a little bit because work is hectic or he’s playing a softball game with his boys, or he’s studying or whatever. He’ll not just go prolonged amounts of time without talking to you until it’s convenient because he’ll be wanting to be near you in any way he can just as much as you are wanting to be near him.

2) He’s only seeing you late at night. Ladies, this is called a booty call. He’s only wanting one thing, and once you provide that, that’s all you are going to be…at least to him.

3) He has no desire to have you exclusively to himself. If a man isn’t at least a little bit jealous that you are not exclusively his after a bit and trying to navigate the relationship into exclusivity, he’s not wanting to. You are not viewed as a prize.

4) You haven’t met his friends or family…or anyone else important to him. Of COURSE you aren’t to expect to meet his Great Aunt Ida by the third date, but if a few months has passed, and he hasn’t introduced you to one friend of his, then he has no intention of incorporating you into his life in any permanent manner. Men want to show off the woman they care deeply for. If he’s not showing you off, he’s just not that into you.

5) You’re the first one initiating contact and plans a majority of the time. Again, if he’s into you, he’s gonna move mountains to spend any time with you that he can. If he’s not, then you’re not really doing it for him.

6) He freaks out when it feels like you two are getting too close too quickly. I just went through this, and it didn’t dawn on me until today that it meant he wasn’t really into me when it came down to it. He got close enough to figure out I’m not what he wants romantically, and he freaked out. Men are like women no matter what anyone else says. We are all from Earth, not Jupiter or Venus or anywhere else in the Universe. And when a man knows he’s found what he wants, he won’t be scared off just because things are moving quickly. He’ll man up and tell you that he needs to slow it down a little at most. But if he’s into you, he won’t run away and never look back. If he’s into you, he’s not letting go. Period. His feelings won’t disappear overnight…feelings take time to kill off. So if they suddenly disappear, the feelings weren’t real to begin with, and he just figured it out sooner than you did.

But!! All of this is okay! All of it! If everyone was meant to be into everyone else, how could it possibly be special when you become involved with someone? It could happen with any other person on the planet, after all. No, thank you. I want that fire-burning, soul-evolving, life-altering, mind-blowing connection that makes me forget every single painful experience I’ve ever been through and makes me feel as if I am not alone in this world any longer…there will be someone standing beside me from that point forward so I can be even stronger, even more fearless, even more determined because he grows me and encourages me and catches me when I fall.

So all those before him who just weren’t that into me did me a favor when they left. I have an immense amount of amazing things and qualities to give to someone. I’m loyal and loving and warm and strong and smart and funny…and so many other things, too. Not everyone deserves to have that from me, and that’s okay. Because one day, someone really WILL be that into me, and hopefully I’m feeling that in return when the time comes.

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