She Deserves It

Once upon a time, my friends teased me. I was the freakshow, you see. I was the girl who always found a reason to walk away from suitors pursuing me because there was some fatal flaw I just couldn’t accept. My friends considered me the girl with the commitment issues of a boy, and I truly began believing that. I thought for sure there was something wrong with me because my standards were considered ridiculously high.

Then today I read a blog by Elizabeth which you can read here: What I’m Waiting For, and I highly recommend you do. The girl touches on some thought provoking stuff. This blog reminded me that it’s okay to be “picky” because it’s okay to demand our worth. It’s okay to recognize what we bring to the table and demand that we aren’t dining alone.

So one day a knight on a unicorn came riding in and did all the right things and said all the right words, and I was smitten. Just. Like. That. And it proved that I am not a commitment-phobe. I am merely a girl who has standards that truly CAN be met, just not by every Tom, Dick, And Harry that comes along. Isn’t that the way it is supposed to be?

Once he left for new adventures as knights often do, I began to question my standards all over again. Perhaps, I’m too old to believe in Fairytales. Perhaps, I have ridiculous standards as they’ve all said time and time again, and I need to lower those to have any possible chance of finding someone before my crazy cat lady starter kit arrives.

So I began my serial dating adventure. I lowered my standards ON PURPOSE so I could actually go out on dates and not become jaded and to keep my wounds from festering. Why the hell would I do that??

I’ve been handing out coupons for the sake of having someone to spend time with on a Saturday night.

I’ve had a lot of misadventures in serial dating. I’ve almost scrapped dating altogether because of the things I’ve encountered. But I allowed those things to happen because I placed myself on the bargain rack. I am not a clearance item. I am a full-priced, behind the glass, highly valued item. And it’s time I begin acting like it. My serial dating adventures are over. My ad was deleted once again by another Nancy-boy who felt the need to mess with me in some way, and I let it go. I didn’t upload it again in defiance. The universe is speaking to me through these little pansy asses, and it’s time I listen.

I. AM. WORTH. IT. PERIOD.

I am intelligent and devoted, caring and warm, loyal and devoted, cute and bubbly, well dressed and attentive to keeping myself up, forgiving and kind. And there’s more. I have great hair, great eyes, great bewbs. I have a tremendous sense of humor and don’t find myself rattled often. I have a perverse sense of humor and laugh often. I’m logical, and analytical, and capable of not clinging. I am independent and strong. I am the LeeAnnimal. The LeeAnnimal goes rawwwwr!

It’s time to demand again. It’s time to believe in myself again. More importantly, it’s time to believe in others again and give chances.

So The Experiment is over. I am no longer settling for what that brings me. I am ready to continue in a more mature, self sufficient way that leaves me open for someone to come out of left field and leave me gobsmacked. Could I be hurt again? Yes, I probably will be at some point. Could I have a damn difficult time locating someone who just gets me on all levels? Hell, yes, I will. It’s not a simple thing to find those who mesh in every way possible. But it’s possible. I think. And if it’s not, that doesn’t mean I need to settle just to have a night out. I am capable of providing for myself, therefore, I don’t need to worry about who will be sitting across from me at dinner.

It feels really fantabulous to be back. Watch out boys, she knows what she wants. And more importantly…she knows she deserves it.

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11 thoughts on “She Deserves It

  1. I truly believe we have to be vulnerable to truly experience love…So yes we might get hurt but at least we will learn and grow. But doesn’t it feel good to know what you want and to put yourself out there? The right person will come along and don’t be scared about being hurt (within reason!) because if you keep your guard down you may just hit the jackpot! At least we know our self worth and know how to make ourselves happy in the meantime. Finding the right partner isn’t the key to happiness but it’s a lovely way to compliment our already fulfilled happy life. X

    Liked by 1 person

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