His name is Melvin. How can I date someone named Melvin?
“Hi! So nice to meet you! And this is my boyfriend, Melvin!”
It’s time to admit that I’m apparently shallow. He’s cute, but his name is Melvin. He’s smart, but his name is Melvin. He’s highly attentive and complimentary, but his name is Melvin.
Did you know Melvin is also a type of wedgie? A front wedgie. A painful wedgie. It’s true..I found it online.
I might as well introduce him as “Melvin, my super uncomfortable camel-toe.”
Therefore, it’s time to evaluate how shallow is too shallow. I feel incredibly badly about myself that I’m writing someone off who shows great potential simply because his name is synonymous with a wedgie and possibly an animated alien from the sixties. There wasn’t a cartoon with an alien named Melvin, but there should have been.
I need to feel attracted on a physical level. I need to feel emotionally and spiritually bonded. I need to feel intellectually stimulated. And I need him to be patient, kind, warm, interesting, independent, non-clingy, supportive, kind of nerdy, and totally into me.
And I need him to not be named Melvin.
While I’m at it, let’s just cross off Bruce, Bruno, Harold, Peter, Dick, (and any other phallic sounding names) Edward, Gordon, and Herbert.
Ladies and Gentleman, I do believe I’ve made it even more difficult to find someone.