Should I Stay, Or Should I go?

James, the cute boy who owns a vape lounge, invited me back over last night to his bachelor pad which he has already talked about being his own private sanctum that he doesn’t like invaded. By the way, he’s going to be known in this blog as the Vaping Viking from this point forward since his Nordic features are all I can really focus on.

He told me to wear my pajamas, so I did.

We watched the A-Team…

That’s the best picture I could get because by the time I took it, well…Ugh, I’m jumping ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning.

I came over. I parked in an unfamiliar area. I walked over to his house where he was waiting outside to meet me. We headed upstairs where he had A-Team queued up. I knew as we were snuggling up that it didn’t matter that I specifically put on my ugly panties reserved for the times I’m trying to ensure no one in the world will be getting my pants off…I had probably made a bad choice in coming to his house knowing full well it wasn’t just to watch tv. I haven’t had sex in nine months. I think he’s sexy as all get out with his Nordic features and flowing, long hair…like Fabio with a better nose.

So we were giggling and talking and his hand was suddenly on my leg. He was watching my reactions, and I was becoming more flustered because he was watching me so closely with an open intensity. We continued talking, he discovered I’m ticklish, I discovered he’s just as ticklish,and we were tickling and laughing and wrestling around quite a bit, and before I knew it, I was tucked so closely into him that I couldn’t really tell where he ended and I began.

Then he was kissing me. I must admit, that was one amazing kiss. And it was followed by another, and another, and another, and hands were all over the place and clothes were kinda being tossed wherever all willy nilly, and then I remembered that I couldn’t have sex yet, so I stopped him.

“Wait! We can’t have sex tonight!”

He pulled back and looked slightly disappointed but recovered quickly like a gentleman. He was okay with it and didn’t try to push me further!

“I mean, it isn’t you, and it isn’t me. It’s my vagina. You can’t put your penis inside it because it’s already full of tampon!”

Then he’s laughing, and I’m laughing, and then there’s kissing and touching and a reminder that you can do a whole lot of stuff without actual penetration. And so we did. A lot. Several times. For hours.

Then he asked me to spend the night. Just. Like. That. And I did.

He doesn’t bring girls home. He hasn’t had sex in two years out of pure choice because he had other focuses and girls in York County are…well…not really all they’re cracked up to be…and so I know he’s not this horn-dog that was simply trying to boink me and send me home. Because while we had fun, we didn’t boink. He brought me into his home and played and teased and joked and kissed me like he wanted to devour every ounce of my being. Then he wanted me beside him all night.

This morning, he made coffee, and I fell back asleep, and then I woke up as he was just about to leave for a meeting. I grabbed my shoes and threw them on real quick, and he walked me down the street to my car. I was half asleep and a little miffed that he didn’t wake me up in time to have more coffee and get my bearings. It didn’t dawn on me until my drive home that he hadn’t planned on me leaving yet. He had his meeting and was coming right back home where he had hoped I would still be. I verified through a text. I was the girl who runs out first thing in the morning. He’s the guy that wanted me to stay.

When we got to my car, he pulled this off the windshield:

I had to pretty much grab it out of his hand…he was insisting on paying it for me. And yes, those are Hello Kitty pajamas. Don’t judge me.

He opened my car door, hugged me close, handed me a vaping juice he had mixed just for me before leaving his shop yesterday. He closed the door behind me, and he watched me drive away. And we’ve been texting all morning since I got home.

I don’t spend the night. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent the night beside someone. I don’t know what I was thinking or why I wanted to sleep beside him and wake up more than once to find him also awake and covering me back up under the blankets that I kept kicking off. I don’t know why it was so nice or why I wasn’t scared. I’m always scared when it becomes that intimate. And let’s face it, there’s not much else that’s more intimate than sleeping in the arms of someone…fully trusting that while unconscious, they won’t murder you. Or worse…look at the messages and pictures in your phone…

I know it isn’t forever with the Vaping Viking. He’s selling his shop and leaving PA within the year. And I don’t have those “OMGAWDS” kind of feelings, either. I mostly just have the “I like him enough, and I like how I don’t feel pressured, and he’s pretty, and I forgot what it was like to sleep in the arms of another all night…to have someone make me coffee and walk me to my car and kiss me like he has waited his whole life to kiss someone like that” kind of feelings. I don’t know if that’s wrong, either…to be so intimate when it’s such an indefinite thing. Or is this really embracing the moment and one of those living for now come-what-may experiences that I sought after to begin with?

I asked myself if I should stay or go, and I stayed. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing it again…

37 thoughts on “Should I Stay, Or Should I go?

    1. I don’t know. I know my heart says don’t get attached. I know my heart isn’t all giddy like I’ve been waiting for it to be. But I also know I like him, and I liked last night, and I liked this morning when I looked at him all sleepy beside me and smiling as he watched me try to wake up before I failed and went back to sleep. I don’t know where it’s going or how far I should let it progress. But I’m still present, so that has to count for something, right?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. From what you’ve written, he sounds like he’s really into you. Now, maybe we shouldn’t be too hasty to judge, you never know, but, BUT, rather than thinking, isn’t it better to just live in the moment? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t want to jump ahead, either. They’ve all supposedly really been into me. Only time can tell on that one. I had to have the dreaded “I’m on my period” conversation, though, and we made it through that just fine…he didn’t invite me to stay until well after that.

        So I’m staying present…and I guess the story will unfold at its own pace?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Look you have every right to be wary, either because of your past experiences or its just our natural asshole-protection vest. But yeah, don’t give up on the love and hope. Like you said, wait till it unfolds. It’s not all pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but hey, it could be chocolate too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. WHO DOESNT?! But haha, in all seriousness, hope it works out alright babe 🙂 because I was captivated the moment you used words like “Nordic features” 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. OMGAWDS, he’s really pretty in an equally masculine way. And those lips and hooded eyes and the way he lights up when he smiles and the way his hair was falling all around me when he was over me…like waves of fucking gold. He’s like one of those romance novel models…

        This might not be my heart speaking. My vagina also has a voice, apparently…

        Liked by 2 people

      6. Hey, it’s not just the men who speak from their genitals. I totally understand. There’s nothing wrong in appreciating a hot guy. Maybe it’s list or love, who knows, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I know it’s ending within the year either way. He’s not from PA originally, and he wants out. I can totally understand that as I am not from here, either, and I know what it’s like moving to Southeastern PA and having to adapt to the people and culture here.

        But yes, definitely hot. And definitely a gentleman who is treating me like something special. And what girl won’t appreciate the type of treatment he’s offering?

        Plus…you know…he’s pretty.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Even if he moves, you guys could meet up later right? I mean, you’ll have different ideas and goals, but maybe, catch up and rekindle it all

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yay! I’m so happy you had what sounds like an amazing evening! Don’t over think it. Just go with the flow chickie-poo! Allow yourself to ENJOY things for the time being. 😘

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s going really swell so far, I think. We haven’t had a legitimate date yet, though. I’ve come to his shop and hung out a couple times, and we talk a lot during the day, and then I apparently get mostly naked and fall asleep in his bed. That’s not the normal order of events.

      Those jammies are super soft and comfy lol

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. We are the same age, and both single. But when I read about your experiences with dating, I feel like a little kid who plays with Barbies and drinks kool-aid, reading about the cool, risky, and daring adventures of the sophisticated teenage girl next door.

    I’m pretty sure that I am never going to date.

    Liked by 2 people

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