I’m of Russian, German, and Slovakian descent. On top of that, I’m an Aries female. What that amounts to is a whole lot of stubbornness and an overabundance of fierceness. I’m a force of nature due to nothing more than my birthright.
But even someone as determined, relentless, and often ornery as myself must recognize that the universe speaks. The life we plan isn’t generally the life we lead. And yet, we somehow end up exactly where we are meant to be even when it’s exactly the opposite of all we’ve tried to attain.
So here I am. Ready to listen and acknowledge.
I’m through with dating. I mean, I suppose if I meet someone inadvertently because we are thrown onto the same course at the precise moment we are meant to encounter each other, sure, I’ll still be listening to the universe then. But for now, the amazing amount of ignorance, disrespect, disgusting propositions, and overall incompatibility ensures I want nothing to do with fishing the deep, blue sea. I am unable to find even one iota of desire to peruse the muck of the underbelly of dating websites any longer. In fact, I am amazingly relieved at my decision to delete all dating apps and be content with where the universe currently has me.
Because, my dears, last night it hit me. It truly hit me. I will not find what I want while turning over every stone I encounter because what I am destined for is in the stars high above. What you find hidden in the underbelly is probably meant to remain in the shadows. And what I seek is the illumination that one rises to…not what one sinks to.
I am a mother. I am a college student once more. I am a friend and confidante. I have a full life that I just keep adding to. And stress from dating sites was retracting from all the good in my life. I can’t take any more of that nonsense. I’m going places, and I’ve no more time to trip or distract myself.
You see, I’m following my bliss. And my bliss is contained within myself and requires no outside interference to exist. It just is. It just exists. It just continues to be.
Unfortunately, POF refuses to let me delete my account.
So, I’ve merely hidden it from being searchable and deleted the app altogether. That’s some sneaky bullshit, by the way. It asks you to “Quit” and “Give up” after encouraging you to watch a video on online dating tips, then it refuses to recognize the password that was just freaking entered to open the app in the first place. Tricky, tricky.
That’s neither here nor there now. I’m walking away from forcing the universe to bend to my will. While that has worked in certain instances, I’m tired. I’m exhausted with always battling and always fighting for what I want and feel I need. I just want to flow on the lazy river of life for a good long while. What is to come my way will arrive here no matter how hard I try to attract it or run from it. Life has certainly taught me that much. Right now, the universe is telling me to give in and breathe…to stay on the course that is right and to let go of what feels wrong and to have faith that it will all work out.
So do your thing, Universe. I’m here, and I’m patiently waiting.