Freedom and Stuff

I’m growing tired of people trying to hook me up. Sure, they mean well, but the longer I remain unshackled, the more I realize how much I enjoy being single. I look back on past relationships and remember what they were like after the honeymoon period, and I can honestly say, it exhausts me just thinking about it. Of course, my last long term relationship ended in a nine hour stand-off with state police, and the marriage that I escaped from before that involved alarms on the doors to keep me in my place and to alert him to my every move along with some pretty severe abuse. Oh, but rape isn’t rape if you’re married.

And then you think of the tedious task of talking to one loser after another, and you start to think about all the things that you would lose if you entered a relationship. Even a good one! Not to slam the good ones, more power to y’all in one, but for me personally, I just know I am not in the place to go there yet.

I mean, I’m, lactose intolerant. If I’m sharing my bed with someone, I’d be remiss to down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in my randomly stained and bedraggled Spiderman shirt and a pair of Batman undies while laying in bed and binging on Netflix. I’d be terrified of what would happen within the hour of consumption. But not if I’m single!

And if I’m tired or sick or cranky or PMS’ing, I don’t have to take anyone else’s feelings into consideration! I can come home and shut out the world and spare the chance of casualties. I don’t have to explain myself or try to reign myself in, I can just be free to be me and whatever I am feeling in that very moment!

That brings us to freedom. Ah, sweet, sweet freedom. I don’t worry about checking with someone else over what I do, what I spend, who I am friends with, if I want to have one particular thing for dinner but they want another, and on and on and on. No one will pressure me to take it to the next level (and they all do eventually, male or female…if you’re together long enough, they’ll want you to commit). No one is that ONE PERSON I have to want indefinitely without being considered the bad guy because I bow out.

There will be no pointless disagreements. After that honeymoon phase passes, (And it always does. You won’t have butterflies forever) you automatically start having disagreements at some point. Or you’d rather have some down time and not text all that night. And you don’t want to feel obligated to always spend every single moment together, but omgawds, that’s a huge no no because you once loved spending all your time with them and so there must be a problem now which you must talk about and talk about and talk about and talk about some more. You feel the pressure to keep performing to a certain level that isn’t even possible or rational in real world terms. That’s what I’ve encountered, at least.

Plus, I have kids. I don’t relish the thought of integrating a new partner into my family. My kids have never met someone I’ve dated because that’s a huge level of commitment right there.

Guys want me to be less independent. I’ve encountered that far too many times. Something about not letting them be a man if I can take care of everything on my own.

And I’m weird. No, really, I am. My weirdness doesn’t like being checked, and you have to make modifications to yourself when in a relationship. Don’t tell me that the right person will accept everything about me because that’s hogwash. Again, that honeymoon stage. After that, you start to notice the little things people do when you’re around them all the time that are irritating as hell. Everyone does. Since it’s a fact, I’m sure it’s also science, bitches!

But being single, I can randomly flirt with anyone I want. That’s my automatic setting, by the way. I flirt without even thinking about it. I give most people pet names, and I threaten to hump legs like a rabid chihuahua. I also threaten to bite. It’s kinda my thing, this sexual/flirtatious personality that I greet the world with. And let me tell you right now, dudes don’t like it when their girls flirt with others. So as soon as you make it official, BAM! Now you can’t even innocently flirt with others unless you’re with someone who interacts the same way socially and isn’t the jealous type. I’m not about to lock up my phone or act differently in public when my beau is around simply because I’m taken and no longer allowed to be my silly, flirty, dirty-mouthed self. I like being this person. It works for me.

Let’s see…I don’t have to do laundry for anyone else but me and the kidlettes, I don’t have to put up with the bad moods of another person as well as my own, I don’t have to ask permission for a damn thing, I am completely in control of my own life and all the choices I make, I don’t answer to someone, I don’t have to discuss how I want my money spent, I don’t have to think about maintaining a relationship after the initial excitement wears off, I can flirt with whomever I please, I can eat all the ice cream in the world, and I never have to worry about doing things I don’t want to do just because I have a prerequisite to please the one I’m with lest they leave. Sure, sure, we could want a lot of the same things, but do you know how rare it is to find a person that likes everything you like and never will argue with you and will agree with all of your choices and is never going to start seeing the things about you that bugs them and works on changing those things because you’d be “oh, so perfect!” if you just didn’t do this or if you started doing that?

After everything I’ve encountered in relationships, and yes, they’ve been extreme, I must say I prefer singledom so much more. I see my friends and what they go through. I see how much a relationship would steal from me.

I don’t want to be claimed. I don’t want to be half of someone, I want to be magnificently whole all by myself.

I drove past the house I shared with my ex today, and many memories washed over me. And I started thinking about how I felt when I got away and how amazing life is with all these independent choices I get to make. I love freedom. I love MY freedom. And I don’t foresee a time when I’ll willingly just give that up.

So I’ll just be over here dating myself 😉

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16 thoughts on “Freedom and Stuff

  1. “And then you think of the tedious task of talking to one loser after another, and you start to think about all the things that you would lose if you entered a relationship.” THIS IS PERFECT. I do sometimes finding myself wondering if it’s time for me to try and start dating again but all I can think about is how much that would suck. Especially if you’ve had bad relationship experiences in the past, dating yourself is a great thing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I had a freak out moment when my last short lived relationship ended because I was really engrossed in the fantasy that sustained it. I wanted those pretty, pretty words. So I did the serial dating thing which I would call foolish if not for the fact it was a growing experience that led me to realize singledom is a choice I am making because the alternative truly, TRULY sucks. I was incredibly unhappy and starting to have anxiety issues over dating. That’s no fun.

      But now I feel really good about my choice to not date. I have an incredible network of people who love me, I lead a very full life, and I am out there chasing my dreams with everything I’ve got.

      And I can buy myself flowers and chocolates anytime I feel like I need some lol

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhhhhhhh I’m really bad at the real flirting. I’m just good at the non consequential kind. I have a tendency to not realize I’m legitimately being flirted with when it happens and an caught by surprise when guys are interested since I mistook their flirting as just being friendly.

      And I suck at flirting intentionally to get somewhere romantically because of the sane reason.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Then they don’t deserve you. I figure anyone who walks away from anyone else hasn’t been mesmerized by who they innately are inside. And I refuse to be with someone who isn’t mesmerized. Sounds pretty mediocre.

        I think being weird and wonderful is loads better than being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sounds like you’re in a great place! I’m glad to read that you’re feeling content with your current status. I feel pretty much the same way, except that I don’t flirt with men, like ever. I don’t believe that I would ever feel comfortable being in a romantic relationship. It involves far too much compromise and anxiety and vulnerability, not to mention sex. Who needs all of that? Luckily, I don’t have that issue of friends trying to set me up, since I have none. But I guess that’s okay in a way, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, since I am seriously thinking about reblogging because you spoke so many of my own thoughts here, I suppose it is counterproductive if i say I would love to take you out!
    Oh well, since none of us is perfect, I will consider it a flaw in my personality.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Post children, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to be in a committed relation unless it is with a small, non-barking dog, or a cat, or someone very wealthy. Those are the only relationships that give you more than you put in.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My ex husband is incredibly wealthy. To be completely honest, it’s on my list of qualities in a partner that I avoid now. I won’t have anything held over my head…not even money.

      The older I get, the less I want something committed. I had a moment of insanity not too long ago where I thought I wanted someone there in a more permanent role, but I got over that 😉

      Like

      1. Sorry I missed your comment for so long – I was traveling. Wealthy ex-husbands are the best kind. I used to be one – wealthy that is – I’m still ex, just not wealthy anymore.

        Like

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