I’m Still Alive…

…mostly.

In my absence of posting, I’ve had a child hospitalized. Twice. I’ve had my job close and my funds depleted. I’ve had the engine blow out in my car. I’ve had my landlord decide after 5&1/2 years to sell his house and give us thirty days notice to vacate the premises. That’s by February 29th. I still have not located a new home with thirteen days to go. I’ve had people show me that I’m only allowed to be the silly, funny, strong one and hear nothing but crickets from them the very first time I ask for help. And I’ve found out who my circle of true friends are because they’ve closed ranks and kept me from completely going insane. Just partially insane. Well, perhaps three quarters insane.

I’ve remembered what it is to be truly terrified. But mostly, I remembered what it’s like to feel like a failure because I have held absolutely nothing together, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It hurt me so badly to start a fundraiser to ask for a little hand up since I’ve fallen so hard. But it hurt more when I discovered ninety percent of the people I know won’t even acknowledge me when I’m not posting something funny or irreverent.

I’m going to get strong again. And then I’ll be back to posting my sarcastic and silly posts. In the meantime, I’m going to finish my breakdown and cry a lot and wonder why my strength hasn’t been good enough.

 

 

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7 thoughts on “I’m Still Alive…

  1. Oh, please don’t just go back to funny and irreverent. At the risk of you wanting to slap me, I know it feels like it’s about the house and the job and all of it. And it is, in the moment. But I know life throws us these things to show us things–who our real friends are, another side of ourselves (how to fall apart and that it’s ok), how strong and resourceful we are. You can’t be strong if you’ve never been broken. Untested strength? Bah. No way. I’ve been through the wringer and come out the other side. Sending you good thoughts as you will too . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think maybe it’s this year. It’s cursed or something! Sending happy thoughts your way! And as for finding a place, I don’t know if it will work for you, but when I had to find a place quick, I went to Easyroommate.com and managed to find an amazing place fast! There are pictures and often pics of the people you’d be renting from/living with. Having kiddos might make it more difficult, but I’m sure there are other sites with similar services.

    I also feel a little bad because I originally came over here to ask you if you’d be interested in doing a guest blog for me next month when I talk about romance novels. Didn’t know if you’d read any recently, but I knew you’re POV would be fun and fresh if you had. I’d still love for you to do it… if, you know, your life gets back on track…

    Liked by 1 person

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