Mondays and Failing At Adulting

FB_IMG_1444782942837

Woke up to a sheet of ice on my car that I didn’t anticipate because I didn’t check the weather report. We were running behind from that moment onward.

I forgot to put sugar in my coffee.

Got to school, took off my hoodie, discovered my shirt underneath is on backwards, put hoodie right back on.

Have a speech to make in my next class, but I can’t get my power point to upload onto the disc.

Dude, it’s not even noon yet.

Happy freaking Monday.

Do Whatcha Gotta Do

Maybe it’s the hormones, or it’s the fact I’ve run a fever for a full week now, or perhaps it’s because I am lethargic and have a constant ringing in my ears and can’t remember the last time I was this sick…but today, I deleted my ex’s name from my phone’s dictionary.

His name popped up as soon as I opened a chat…right there…a recommended word…as if I had used it too much. Often, my autocorrect would change the chosen word I wanted for his name for no reason at all but to screw with me, I think.  And even though I was okay with the fact he threw me to the side again because someone came along, and I only matter when there isn’t someone there who matters more..I would see his name and roll my eyes a little at most. But today, ugh, today…I saw his name, and it pissed me off because my phone is like a Jewish mother telling me I need to go get that last train before it rolls away for good because I’m almost forty.

So I deleted his name from my phone completely like any rational woman would.

In other news, I am super sick and super over it. I missed school the past two days because I am too dizzy to stay upright for long. There’s so much congestion that my ears are completely stuffed, and I can barely swallow because there’s nowhere for the pressure of air to go. I literally gag myself by trying to swallow my own spit. As my kindred spirit Jinx said, “I know you must be dying because you’re an apple polisher. If you miss school, I need to buy a black suit for your upcoming funeral.”

He also told me I’m absolutely gorgeous…even with vomit spewing from my mouth.

That’s why I like him more than you.

I’m gonna go die a petty death now which is what petty girls who very pettily delete their ex’s name from existence do when they get sick. Much love…

How To Survive Raising Teenagers: A Demonstrative Speech

(Taken from the Power Point Presentation I am giving soon in my speech class)

They Have Messy Rooms

If you can’t charge wild animals moving into their closet rent, and you haven’t had a tetanus shot recently, perhaps you should just shut the door and have a glass of Pinot Grigio. Light, sweet, refreshing. A wine glass is a grown up sippy cup.

They Talk Back. A LOT.

So you must learn to negotiate with terrorists! So very un-American! But survival is the law of the land, and turning off data to their phones and changing the wi-fi password goes a long way in the battle.

They Eat All Your Food.

No, seriously, bottomless pits. My grocery bill is higher than all my other bills combined.

So I started buying only healthy, organic foods. Oh, you’re hungry again? There’s some quinoa in the fridge you could heat up. Or perhaps you would like some kale chips I just made? No? You’ll wait for dinner? Good plan.

They Date. And They Have More Game Than You.

You’re waiting up for one or more of your teens to get home from a date on a Friday night. You’re in pajamas. With a stain. And a hole in the butt. And you’re wondering how come YOU don’t get to go out on a Friday night. I suggest a Merlot for such occasion. It’s mild and easily gulped down. None of that sipping crap. In fact, don’t even use a glass. You should just throw a curly straw in the bottle and try not to cry.

They Grow Up So Fast.

The moment my family became complete. My now teenagers meeting their youngest sister for the first time a few moments after birth.

When they have sufficiently taught you why some species eat their young, just remember them when they were little. Recall sweet kisses and “I love you Mommy!” called out over and over again. And take solace in the fact that someday, they too shall be parenting teenagers. If karma is real, that is.

An Introduction of Self—-Who Are You?

question marks

First speech written today for Effective Speaking..an introduction to me. It can’t be very long, and I had to answer specific questions. Any thoughts to improve it before I record myself speaking and upload it into my class portal would be faboo. So, you know….take a gander, please 🙂

Introduction of Self

My name is LeeAnn. I’m a Southern girl transplanted in the North, and I don’t like driving in snow. However, I’m learning. I’ve been a single mother since August 2010. I have four children, two boys and two girls, three are on the Autistic spectrum. Three are teenagers. The baby is definitely spoiled, and she knows it.

The person who has influenced and shaped who I am the most is my oldest son, Alexander. He was a difficult pregnancy, a difficult birth, and then a life-altering infant. First, he was a forceps delivery after a traumatic labor. He spent time in NICU, and shortly after he began experiencing seizures. He was developmentally delayed, wore leg braces, attended multiple therapies, and eventually was diagnosed as Autistic. Everything I see and believe about the world we live in was sculpted by bringing a special needs child into the world. Even now, my goals have shifted, and I am pursuing a degree in Special Education and Business Management simultaneously with the intention of opening my own play centers and respite care for special needs children and their families. I hope to eventually help develop similar programs nationwide to service a specific need not being met in the special needs community.

I am not terribly embarrassed by memories or experiences I’ve had. I view everything as a lesson to shape us and teach us what we haven’t taken into consideration yet. There’s nothing that I can think of that makes me blush or wish I could alter.

I think this is because I consider life to be something that cannot be controlled. You can plan. You can work toward your ideal goals. You can navigate yourself toward the path you wish to be on. But life happens in spite of all planning. One must be something that you can roll with. You must be resilient and understand that though plans change, it’s to be expected to encounter the unexpected. Adaptability is paramount. Without resilience and adaptability, one would never examine their lives, their goals, their skills, and their flaws. Learning this early in life was one of the most productive and crucial lessons I could ever dare to have realized, otherwise, the curveballs thrown my way would have been much more difficult to take a swing at.

If I’m lucky, I will be remembered as the girl who changed the world around her and brought a little ease into the lives of others. Everything I do is geared to leaving the world a little better after having been here. But it won’t go on my tombstone because if I am buried instead of cremated, I will ensure I come back and haunt whomever made the decision to stick me in a box and bury me in a creepy people garden.